This one's for baby Jesus

Jesus Christ. Why don't you hold up a manger, you atheistic jerk? Can you just give us one day a year where you don't out shine everything? Maybe just a picture of Rockefeller Center? No? Fine. Let's just whip out the kerosene and burn down the big tree. Nothing can compete with you. Way to ruin Christmas, asshole.

This jerk has something to prove

You strip yourself down to your bare essentials, drench yourself in a rainstorm, and go mock dead war veterans. Then you don a garbage bag. What does this all prove? That despite all your talents, outfits, handpuppets and worldly natures, your sugary goodness is deeply deeply ingrained. Your skeleton could take a shit on Ghandi's grave and it would still stink of charm and cuddles. You're unfuckingstopable.